Generally, countdowns mean that you're excited. You're tortured by the numbers, and every morning, you think "when will the double-digits become single-digits?" and "when will the single-digits disappear?" And at certain breaking points, you think "WHY THE HELL DOES TIME MOVE SO DAMN SLOW?"
Lately, I've taken to counting down. Every time something wrong happens at the school, I think "5 more weeks! YOU CAN DEAL WITH IT FOR FIVE MORE WEEKS!" But I've realized that it's only put me in a horrible mindset that allows me to not put forth the energy and effort that I usually would put into a project, that my students deserve. I know that the school isn't the place for me, but it doesn't mean that having an expiration date means I should stop dedicating myself to my students. I love them, and they have no idea just how much.
I see my M4 students once a week. I've got 5 weeks left. I only teach them 5 more times. With the way the school is taking me away from my actual job by making me do other things, I'll teach them even less than that. How quickly time flies after you realize the number of times you'll see your students are dwindling.
I've started packing. I've always hated packing, but this
time I really hate it because I've become so at home here. (It's almost as depressing as the day I finished packing up my apartment back in Iowa.) I have
friends who support me here, and back home, and I have students who wave
and say hello to me whenever we pass each other on the streets. I have
students who try so hard to talk to me in English when it's just so
simple to say "hello" and walk away.
Through all of the hard times at the school, dealing with my personal demons,
the only reason I could pull through without an inkling of
self-destructing thought is because I have these amazing students and
friends. Cutting out anything that brings thoughts of self-destruction eliminates darkness, and having bright, beautiful people in my life, makes me so grateful. There are so many people I want to thank that I feel like I haven't the ability to do these expressions of gratitude any justice.
Countdowns are depressing.
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Sunday, July 8, 2012
Mid-semester Changes.
Midterms are coming up. I've been busy teaching at the school and outside of the school, grading fashion show presentations & scripts, writing up midterms, preparing for the 'dating situation' presentation for the next unit, and tutoring on top of that -- and that's only for teaching-related stuffs. I've been trying to get things for AFTER my contract is over as well, and try to find some socializing time with the amazing people I call friends and some Rochelle time.
So as you can see, I've been a bit busy. Busy in Rochelle terms equal: "Bonified Underslept Superoverworked Yankee." And I'm a Yankee only because there's really no other word I could think of that begins with a Y besides "Yellow-bellied lizard" and "Yahooligan" and "Yo-yo."
It was posted on my facebook wall the other day, two photos of a teacher's schedule. It looked suspiciously like the one I have now, except some classes are moved around and the M5s (11th grade) have been added onto it. There was no explanation.
Later, I received a facebook message from my coordinator (bosslady) explaining the situation about how parents were complaining about how M5 students were not being taught English by a native English speaker. Every other grade had native English speakers teaching them--why don't their precious M5s?
So the school decided to add on extra classes to my schedule, switch everyone else's class schedules around, to accommodate the demands of these parents.
Don't get me wrong. I understand that they want their kids to learn English from an English speaker. I totally understand. I think it's wonderful that they want that for their students. But what I don't understand is why is the school changing around the entire schedule for more than a couple of classes in the middle of the term when midterms are coming up next week? And why are we starting those classes with a teacher who is probably not as capable of running a class of 11th graders because her teaching styles are much better suited for the younger learners? Why couldn't the school wait until next semester when they are creating the new schedules to make sure that the M5s are being accommodated? And why didn't they ASK ME FIRST?
Had they asked me before making this executive decision about my teaching schedule without me, I would have willingly said yes. No complaints--maybe a bit of a laugh and slight critical eye about changing around all of these schedules when the school year has already started, but other than that, I would be willing to teach the M5s. It's my job, and honestly, I like teaching. But when they completely disregard what I have to say in the matter and say, "Here's your new schedule. You start on Monday" without talking to me OR my coordinator (as we were both left in the dark in a state of shock and slight annoyance), it becomes a problem about how they treat their teachers.
And please allow me to make this clear: if you are the one rearranging MY schedule, please talk to me directly. Don't just make the schedule, put it on my COORDINATOR'S desk without any prior discussion with her, and then say "go." I am not your lackey. I am not here to serve you. I am here to teach students, and I would like to be treated as a human being with concerns and opinions and a choice in the matter.
Also, I find it unfair that they are only accommodating the students whose parents pay them a lot of money, when their concern should be for all of the students. If I'm going to teach M5, you better hope I'm teaching all of them. Not just M5/1, M5/2, and M5/3. It's no wonder all of the lower-level students feel abandoned and can't get excited about learning. It's because the teachers are not excited about teaching them. It's assumed that these students are all dumb because they're in the lower classes, but they're not. In this way, the school and the teachers are denying them the opportunity to be better, to help them rise up. How can they rise without having someone believing in them? At this age (teenagers!), everything is about outside influence. And if they get the feeling that one thinks they are stupid and not even worth the effort, then how can they be blamed for feeling that way and perpetuating the image that these people set upon them?
But, my new M5s, I am glad to have you. Now I have more students to torture with my creative projects and presentations. How fun for me! Moohahahahah. :) And who knows? I might just get one of your classes to help me with English Day on Thursdays! Extra points. I promise. :)
Some clarification to end this post: I am not as upset about the extra classes as I am about the lack of any care that the school has for me as a human being and a teacher. I am not angry--just frustrated because I'd like to think that I'm doing a well enough job at what I'm supposed to be doing to be treated like a teacher. And to my friends who are seemingly more frustrated at the school than I am: don't worry. I'm actually feeling pretty level-headed about it, despite this long post complaining about this aspect of the school at the moment. I'm going to leave the school on a good note, do a good job, and maybe in the future, I can come back and say "hi. remember me?" and everyone will say yes with sincere open arms.
So as you can see, I've been a bit busy. Busy in Rochelle terms equal: "Bonified Underslept Superoverworked Yankee." And I'm a Yankee only because there's really no other word I could think of that begins with a Y besides "Yellow-bellied lizard" and "Yahooligan" and "Yo-yo."
It was posted on my facebook wall the other day, two photos of a teacher's schedule. It looked suspiciously like the one I have now, except some classes are moved around and the M5s (11th grade) have been added onto it. There was no explanation.
Later, I received a facebook message from my coordinator (bosslady) explaining the situation about how parents were complaining about how M5 students were not being taught English by a native English speaker. Every other grade had native English speakers teaching them--why don't their precious M5s?
So the school decided to add on extra classes to my schedule, switch everyone else's class schedules around, to accommodate the demands of these parents.
Don't get me wrong. I understand that they want their kids to learn English from an English speaker. I totally understand. I think it's wonderful that they want that for their students. But what I don't understand is why is the school changing around the entire schedule for more than a couple of classes in the middle of the term when midterms are coming up next week? And why are we starting those classes with a teacher who is probably not as capable of running a class of 11th graders because her teaching styles are much better suited for the younger learners? Why couldn't the school wait until next semester when they are creating the new schedules to make sure that the M5s are being accommodated? And why didn't they ASK ME FIRST?
Had they asked me before making this executive decision about my teaching schedule without me, I would have willingly said yes. No complaints--maybe a bit of a laugh and slight critical eye about changing around all of these schedules when the school year has already started, but other than that, I would be willing to teach the M5s. It's my job, and honestly, I like teaching. But when they completely disregard what I have to say in the matter and say, "Here's your new schedule. You start on Monday" without talking to me OR my coordinator (as we were both left in the dark in a state of shock and slight annoyance), it becomes a problem about how they treat their teachers.
And please allow me to make this clear: if you are the one rearranging MY schedule, please talk to me directly. Don't just make the schedule, put it on my COORDINATOR'S desk without any prior discussion with her, and then say "go." I am not your lackey. I am not here to serve you. I am here to teach students, and I would like to be treated as a human being with concerns and opinions and a choice in the matter.
Also, I find it unfair that they are only accommodating the students whose parents pay them a lot of money, when their concern should be for all of the students. If I'm going to teach M5, you better hope I'm teaching all of them. Not just M5/1, M5/2, and M5/3. It's no wonder all of the lower-level students feel abandoned and can't get excited about learning. It's because the teachers are not excited about teaching them. It's assumed that these students are all dumb because they're in the lower classes, but they're not. In this way, the school and the teachers are denying them the opportunity to be better, to help them rise up. How can they rise without having someone believing in them? At this age (teenagers!), everything is about outside influence. And if they get the feeling that one thinks they are stupid and not even worth the effort, then how can they be blamed for feeling that way and perpetuating the image that these people set upon them?
But, my new M5s, I am glad to have you. Now I have more students to torture with my creative projects and presentations. How fun for me! Moohahahahah. :) And who knows? I might just get one of your classes to help me with English Day on Thursdays! Extra points. I promise. :)
Some clarification to end this post: I am not as upset about the extra classes as I am about the lack of any care that the school has for me as a human being and a teacher. I am not angry--just frustrated because I'd like to think that I'm doing a well enough job at what I'm supposed to be doing to be treated like a teacher. And to my friends who are seemingly more frustrated at the school than I am: don't worry. I'm actually feeling pretty level-headed about it, despite this long post complaining about this aspect of the school at the moment. I'm going to leave the school on a good note, do a good job, and maybe in the future, I can come back and say "hi. remember me?" and everyone will say yes with sincere open arms.
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