Looking Thai in Thailand

I think the worse part of teaching, besides the fact that these children's educations ride on your shoulders as a teacher of the English language; besides the fact that we are ambassadors for the United States of America; besides the fact that my life now revolves around not-so-perfect English which is slowly, but surely, deteriorating my own speaking abilities (I can feel it); besides the fact that everything is topsy-turvy; besides the fact that I haven't had time to write anything creative, is that I look Thai in Thailand.

When American-looking (to specify 'American-looking', I mean to have distinctly 'white' features) people step into the classroom, they are regarded immediately as foreigners. And it is understood that they do not speak Thai. However, in my case, all students, upon first meeting, will talk to me in Thai like I'm a native. And then they cannot see anything else beyond that. They will know you are a foreigner, but they will not recognize you as one. And if they do, they insist on teaching you Thai, in which you turn around and think "look, you little brats, I'm the one with a college degree in English Literature from a university in America, so sit your butt down, shut your beak, and take notes because I WILL put this in on an exam, and I WILL grade you down if you glare at me for taking away your game/cell phone/manga/book and then proceed to fail my exam because you weren't paying attention." Here's looking at you, M3/8. Don't think I've forgotten you. I'll see you next week. Pity is no longer in my vocabulary.

What's so frustrating is that Thai students are so gosh-darned sweet when their Thai teacher is in the room. The minute the Thai teacher leaves, they become those "little darlings" that you hear about at orientation, and then you think "oh s***, wtf have I gotten myself into?" Well, in all honesty, what did I really expect? (Like well-behaved students? Students who will not run around in the classroom and take liberties just because they think they can get away with it with a "lenient farang (foreigner)"??) Who was it at orientation who told us that foreign teachers are usually respected more? Because whoever said that is going to get a mental curse from me. Just saying. Also, the Thai English teachers don't even seem to do much teaching? It seems to be a lot of copying down of words from the board and doing worksheets. They also just speak in Thai. So when I take over the classroom, none of these students have any idea what I'm talking about. They cannot distinguish the difference between "how many...?", "do you have...?", "what is...?", which means that any question I ask them, they always answer with "yes." It's totally not what I was going for.

For those of you who know me really well, you know that 1) I have a bad temper; 2) I'm idealistic; 3) I have a bad temper; 4) I have a very strict idea of what a classroom and what students should be like; and oh, 5) I have a bad temper.

So I'm sorry, students of mine. I am not your Thai teacher who will let you run around the room to chat with your friends. When I am talking, you sit, you listen, you write, you remember, and then you envision. Too difficult right now? That's okay--we'll work through that together.

As for looking Thai in Thailand--nothing I can do about that. Looks like I'm just going to have to bite the bullet, look ashamed for not being Thai and for not knowing Thai, and then learn it until I can hold a conversation.

Tomorrow will always be better. And if not, the day after will be better. And if not, the weekends will always feel like heaven.